Tag Archives: grief

Mother’s Day

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With Mother’s Day behind us I can’t seem to get out of my head how much I don’t care for the day… Yeah that’s right, I don’t like Mother’s Day! it’s a commercially inflated day that is emotionally draining for most, And someone is bound to get hurt. Okay so your thinking “how is someone going to get hurt, what is this crazy lady talking about? This is a day to express to your mother how awesome she is and how much you love her!” Well let me explain.
First: Everyone has a mother, Mother’s have mothers and their mothers have mothers. How are you to please everyone. Spend the day together and have a big dinner!?! -WRONG- How are you going to get Grandma, Mom, the daughter who now has a family, and the son that also has a family and his wife is now a mother and she has a mother and the son in law has a mother, and his mother has a mother, not to mention the son in law and daughter in law have siblings as well. Someone is going to feel left out. How do you please all of those woman? You can’t! You can try to schedule breakfast with one, lunch with the other and dinner with majority.. but then someone is left doing all the running around and their mother’s day is spent on the go with cranky children not doing anything fun and again someone is miserable! How do you picture Mother’s Day? Waking up to a clean house? Getting to sleep in? Breakfast in bed? A day at the Spa? What about seeing your mother? Does that even cross your mind? I know as a young mother taking care of a house and a young family I would like all of the above on any given day. But I am going to go out on a whim here and say that a mother of grown children and grandchildren would like nothing other than all of their children and grandchildren in the same room. How does this work!?! In my opinion it doesn’t.

Second: This day is also a hard day for all of the bereaved mothers out there, and this is a lot of mothers. Mother’s Day is a day you spend with your children, they make you cards and gifts and you are thankful for them and they are thankful for you. Well, on this day a mother can’t help but feel the loss of their baby. That the baby isn’t here to make a card with hand prints and smeared paint, too much glitter and no words.. Weather the baby passed away as a miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, an adolescent or an adult, it is still the loss of a child. A mothers love for a child starts usually pre conception but definitely when those two lines appear on that tiny magical stick. And that love never every weakens or goes away, it just strengthens as the hours, days, and years go on. Mother’s Day is torture for these woman. Not to mention the ones who have lost a baby and don’t have any other children. Does anyone call them to wish them a Happy Mother’s Day? Or send then a card in the mail? Or write on their wall? Do people even recognize them as a mother if there is no physical child with them all the time? This has got to be agonizingly painful! = (

Third: Mother’s Day was founded over a hundred years ago by Anna Jarvis in honor of her Mother also Anna Jarvis. She worked hard for years to get a holiday to celebrate mothers and all of their devotion and love for their families. Only a few years after the day was proclaimed a holiday it started to become commercialized and Anna protested the day and tried to get rid of it. The day was founded with different intentions and became a day for Hallmark, florists and cheap candy.
Mother’s Day is not what it was intended to be and I do not care for the day at all!

With that being said I did have a nice day on Sunday/Mother’s Day this year. I cried for hours after waking with grief at the loss of my baby boy, but after composing myself it was a good day. We got ready for breakfast with my family, my mother, my mother-in-law, my father, and my brother-in-law. After breakfast my husband, son and I went to the museum where Mother’s got in free only with the admission of a child’s ticket (so it doesn’t really honor all mothers, does it?) and then for a late lunch early dinner at Panera Bread. This was not uncommon from a typical Sunday except the card my husband got me and the gift card to Starbucks my mother got me.

I just don’t understand the day.. Seem pointless and commercialized to me!

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